I’ve been studying her emotions as they rise and fall and shift instantaneously – doing her best to express her needs. She definitely has her own opinions already and her language is nonverbal, embodied. She’s doing her best.
Perhaps the emotional body is our first way of being embodied. Not yet in control of her limbs and locomoting, but fully in the present moment with her whims.
Using sound, her eyes, her face. My emotional body, too, has risen to the surface through these past 2 months, and I ride the waves as they come. Sometimes gracefully, and other times being thrown overboard and pummeled into the ocean floor (metaphorically, although if you’ve felt that sensation of sand-in-your-everywheres and tumbling disorientation you know what I mean!) .
I keep studying myself, too. Curious about what this means to mother, to be a mama, to be a woman in this new experience of my life and myself, of me and my partner becoming parents. I feel more womanly than I ever have, curvy and soft in body and carving with the winding inner road of these feelings and shifting identity. And oh, so many feels.
I started to think my feelingness was my woman-ness coming into a new maturity, but then corrected myself that Feeling is part of Being Human.
It’s been a while since I’ve felt this kind of depth and range, peaks and valleys although I’ve certainly had them visit before. Life asks us to be with all of it. Every person on the planet has the capacity to shape shift and transform, to feel the range of “energy in motion” = emotion.
I again watch the impermanence of my own emotional state like the fleeting signs on Fern’s face. No visitors (emotions) need be denied or exiled. May they all be welcome here, in my mind and body, for however long they need to visit to teach me.
To emotions and the experience of them in this body – thank you.
To my partner for bearing witness to my changing state day by day, moment to moment – thank you.
And to my future students and clients – know that all of you is welcome, as it was before and so it shall be forever in this practice of embodied living.
Amen hallelujah namaste ❤️