It ain’t all roses all the time, is it?
In writing copy for my new website in the fall of 2015, I decided to share a brief glimpse of my ‘dark ages’.
My long term clients knew me then, some of them aware of the circumstances and others oblivious – only realizing when my name changed a year later when the divorce was final. Many of them didn’t know I was pregnant, and somehow I worked through the fabulous first trimester all-day-sickness and found hope.
It was a hell of a year losing a pregnancy I wanted, regretted, prayed over, learned to love again and then lost. All while separated from the relationship that made it came to be. Wanting to understand. Wanting him. Not wanting him. Hating him, and yes, forgiving him.
Teaching my clients gave me a reason to get out of bed. To eat. To shower. To leave the house. I knew I could give value to them and in giving to them, it made space around my own sadness for a little while. It gave me a chance to breathe.
The reality of living this FULL spectrum of life – means that fairly often, we hurt. I believe how we practice (yoga, fitness, meditation, life) determines our ability to embody it all. To endure. To rise again.
We don’t often feel that we ‘need’ practice when we’re on top of the world. Do you practice only when you feel good? Or only when you’re in crisis mode? Recognize, simply, if you see a pattern.
In these ‘highlight-reel’ seasons of life, we practice to build up our bank account of vitality, spiritual strength, and clear perception. We practice in celebration. Our practice when things are good prepares us for the inevitable changes and griefs of life.
We don’t practice only to feel good (although many of us can easily feel much better than we allow ourselves to on any given stressful day) by changing what aches or feels off. The first step is always – can I be with this part of myself fully? Can I love this present reality and witness it?
We practice also so we can weather the storm with a little more grace. So we grieve fully, in the present, in our whole body and soul. We practice to build compassion and resiliency.
So we go deeply into the dark spaces, bringing the lantern of our awareness to help us see more clearly.
Negative and positive are different perspectives on the same personal spectrum of LIFE. We can work with all of it skillfully when we know how to return, connect, heal and thrive through our own embodiment, our home base.
Our body brings us into the present.
Is it pain or tension? Sadness? Rage? Exhaustion? Shame?
We can learn how to be with our discomfort. It helps us also bear witness to the suffering of others, building empathy. Being with pain is a skill, and that very presence, also, often transforms it.
Our body is where we feel, process, think, dream and transform ourselves.
If we can bear our own sorrows, we can allow ourselves to be elevated by the joys in life, too.
Trust the process.
How can connecting to your body support you where you’re at today?
Big love to you and your dark places,
“Emotion is the chief source of all becoming-conscious. There can be no transforming of darkness into light and apathy into movement without emotion.” Carl Jung